Today

by tess

Today I’m grateful that North Korea was willing to release the two journalists. I won’t bother making the obvious (but still darn funny!) Clinton jokes that we’ve all heard anyway.

And I’m horrified that those women were murdered at the health club in Pennsylvania. Nothing good ever happens at a gym.

We’ve been watching the Teen Jeopardy finals this week. Alex asked one group about their hobbies. I hate that question because you know these kids just study, and maybe play a dorky instrument. And reading is not a hobby. Reading is an excuse to sit and do nothing else, and even I do that so I know it’s not a hobby. If I had to have one, I guess my hobby would be eavesdropping on my co-workers’ cell chats. Yeah, I know, I complain about being forced to overhear people talking on their cell phones. But choosing something versus having it thrust upon you is a completely different animal. So Abby is shouting, “I’M NOT YELLING!” at her husband. (Are to.) And Laurie is on the phone with her support group discussing whether their friend is just depressed or suicidal. It makes me grateful to not have friends or family.

I’m annoyed that The Smokers in my office won’t stop coughing and sniffling and taking sick days.

I attended real estate classes mere moments before The Big Bust. I was reminded of that this morning while musing over the poor suckers who decided last month to get out of The Car Biz … seconds before there are actually commissions, however short-term that might be.

Our office doesn’t have an I.T. person so this guy who happens to know a little about computers becomes the de facto Not-I.T. Guy. Similarly, our office doesn’t have an H.R. person so some of those duties fall through the cracks onto my desk. So when I walked in yesterday there was a New Person.
First, that’s not allowed because I was not informed. And you knooow how I am about not being informed.
Second, I specifically thought he should not have been interviewed in the first place because he’s clearly a dolt; a very talkative dolt at that. And you knoooow how I feel about talkative dolts.
Third, he “just decided” to come in at 8:00 to make up some time he’ll miss for a doctor’s visit. He spent that 30 minutes “make up time” trying to chat me up. Soooo many problems here – you don’t “just decide” to come in at 8:00, you don’t “make up” time on YOUR SECOND DAY of employment, and you DO NOT SPEAK TO ME BEFORE 8:30 at which time only “Good morning” is acceptable. So you knooooow how I feel about all of that.
Fourth, he whistles. There’s not a shrink in the world brave enough to ask me, “So, Tess, how do you feeeeeel about that?” Are you kidding me? I feeeeeeel that just as there is no crying in football, there is no whistling in the office. EVER.

A colleague discovered this weekend that one of his friends is actually a porn actor. He’s shocked because it was so unexpected. And it’s hysterical because now my colleague can hardly remember his friend’s name, only his porn name. Now thaaaaat’s a hobby! “Well gee, Alex, I’m super-psyched to be here on Jeopardy but in my spare time I’m a porn star. You may recognize me as Rod Golden from such fan-faves as GoldNChains, Goldf#@%er, and Goldif#@%s & the 3 Bares.” (Note: I actually met a man named Rod Golden once but he wasn't a porn star. Also, if those are real pornos, I didn't mean to infringe on your copyrights. But you know I'm not going to research porn movie names here at work!)