Salad Daze

by tess

Last week I went to Chili’s to pick up two to-go salads. As the full-figured 12 year old at the register rang up the order, she asked if I wanted to know how many calories were in the salads.

Me: Uhhh, no. Why?


12: Oh, because they’re totally super-fattening, I used to eat the food here but then I saw how bad it is for you, so I totally don’t eat here anymore.


Me: Uhhh, oh. Huh.


12: Yeah, it’s not just the fat either, it’s the sodium and carbs and stuff, tooootally bad for you.


Me: Uhhh, yeah. Probably.


12: Even the salads. I mean who knew? You’re eating a salad, it’s vegetables, it totally shouldn’t be bad for you, but it totally is.


Me: Uhhh.


12: But I guess that’s why it actually tastes good instead of like ass, right? I mean it totally tastes good, I’m not saying it doesn’t taste good, but it totally isn’t good for you at all even though it’s a salad and you think you’re being good, you totally aren’t, ya’ know?


Me: Uh-huh.


12: Well, thanks for coming and enjoy the salads!


Me: Uh-huh.

This week when I was at Chili’s picking up our perfectly-damn-healthy-thank-you-very-much-you-little-ferret-faced-nine-year-old-and-what-do-you-know-anyway to-go salads, I wasn’t terribly shocked that she doesn’t work there anymore. I guess she’s sharing her wisdom to enlighten another restaurant’s patrons. And just because she was right — the 950 calorie Quesadilla Explosion bestows upon me 93% of the sodium and 105% of the saturated fat my body requires in any given day — doesn’t mean she, her sepulchral cloak, and her sickle-o-doom should necessarily be the greeter at Chili’s or any other restaurant.