Drug-Free Zone?

by gretchen

I was out walking the dog today. Laney is 12 but she thinks she is 2, so the walk goes like this:
First half hour: She determines exactly how much she can pull on me before she either tears off my left arm or chokes herself. Upon finding this balance, she pulls just a bit harder to be a pain.
Second half hour: Pulling has subsided a bit. The walk is pleasant.
Third half hour: Play time. By now we are illegally swimming in the creek and trying to steal the toys of other criminal dogs.
Fourth half hour: The walk slows, the limping starts, the panting is out of control, and I can finally spend time looking around rather than dealing with her. By the time we get home, it's a gluco pill and the couch and she's down for the count.

It was during this period when I walked by the area elementary school. And I saw a sign that I simply do not get. "Drug Free Zone." What is that all about? I thought it was supposed to be a drug-free country (yeah, I know), but creating a drug-free zone for an elementary schools seems stupid and futile (while the commentary on our inability to actually control the drug issue in our country is too delicious to be intentional). So then I started thinking about the kids in the school. When they ask about that sign, what do the teachers say? "You can't smoke pot HERE." It just begs the question: If you are telling a kid he can't do drugs in this area, it follows that there are areas where she can. So maybe you want to tell me that it includes alcohol and cigarettes. See, now, you still have a problem because those are illegal anywhere for kids that age, so again -- the sign makes no sense.

Underneath the big text on the sign, it says, "Drugs Lie." And here too I have an problem because drugs don't talk. The person on drugs lies, the dealer lies, you probably lie when you are on drugs, but the drugs, they actually are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. So maybe the subheading should be replaced with one of those horrific pictures of a crackhead -- you know, the one where you are looking at a 67-year-old woman who has lived the hardest life ever and then you find out that she's 20. THAT will get through. Maybe more effective for teenagers, though.

At any rate, I want someone to explain this sign to me because I can't see its value. Other than giving my old dog someplace to sniff and then mark.

Oh, and there should be a hyphen in it. The sign should be Drug-Free Zone and this just makes me even more uncertain about the quality of education around here if they can't even get the punctuation on the sign correct.