I've seen many a nasty thing in my life. And I deal with it. Dog diarrhea? I deal with it. Mutilated rodents left on doorstep? I deal with it. The bathrooms of college boys? I deal with it. Cat puke all over the couch? I deal with it. I deal with many other such things and I move on.
But I'm seeing something on my televsion right now that I cannot let go: boys in skinny jeans. Friends, this is not the tight-ass jeans a la Steve Perry, this is not even the colorful spandex of David Lee Roth which somehow still didn't offend. No. This is some flabby boy in skin tight jeans who hasn't even had the foresight to put a sock in it. And if you don't get that, we can't be friends.
It's not just that I can clearly see this little boy has a teeny weewee. And I'm not even mentioning the comb-over done with a full head of hair (seriously?), but the pants can't be overlooked. Why would a man want to draw attention to his skinny legs and assless backside? I am not interested in how dainty his ankles are. I'm not impressed by grandpa butt. I'm offended by a lack of quads.
I understand trends. I get it. But here's the thing: look at cool men (and only a MAN can be cool). If you find a picture of Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Benjamin Bratt, Omar Epps, Taye Diggs, etc. etc. etc. in skinny jeans, I might change my mind. Otherwise, this offensive trend needs to END.
BTW, you would think that with his fame, money, and unbelievable embrace of all things metro-male, that faux-flat-haired Jonas could buy concealer so I don't have to look at his humongous zit when they interrupt my quality MTV time with sugarpop.
How many pairs of total-control panyhose does Beyonce have?
How come no one has commented on the C3PO outfit in her new video?
Why is Lil Wayne in every other video?
I think there's a chapstick shortage -- lots of big stars needing to lick their lips a lot.
I heard someone one say that if you find yourself singing and dancing in front of a triangle of dancers, you missed the point. The more I watch, the more I agree. Except for Michael. Of course.
Can someone explain to me how the pants stay up when the belt and waistline are actually below the boy's butt? And if you are going to show off your boxers, why do they always seem to be white? Why not Santas? Why not hearts? Why not Curious George peeking out to see what's what? White just reminds me of Army and Prison scenes when they hand out uniforms. Do women get granny panties? I've never seen that scene.
I don't care how raunchy and ridiculous she is, it doesn't get more fun than Lady GaGa. However, that bloody chest/eye thing at the MTV VMAs? Weird. Madge and her Like a Virgin? Edgy. I was going to cite some other edgy pop music iconic moment, but I got lost. Back to foot-on-piano (no pants). Weird. And yet I watch. Enthralled by the weird.
This is the fifth video in a row tha tthe woman wasn't wearing pants. When did pants go "out"?
Lotta rigs .... (Rig = publically inappropriate outfit due to tragic decisions of fit, coverage, clashing style/color/texture; Lady Gaga wears rigs. The Olsen Twins: rigs; Gretchen on a Sunday afternoon when she's not leaving the house: rig; certain people I know cleaning the house on a Tuesday afternoon: naked).
Watch enough commercials and you will find that "European" is supposed to equal expensive, refined, cutting edge. I've been to Europe. Italy. And I can tell you one thing: they don't use shower curtains. So I'm not sure I believe they have refined the art of aging when they haven't seem to master how to take a shower AND keep dry clothes in the same room. Just sayin'.
Smooth Away is really just sand paper. Superfine crystals = Sandpaper. How stupid do they think I am? Wait. I think they believe I'm 15. It occurs to me that I might no longer be in the MTV demographic, even though I am the MTV generation.
I'm increasingly afraid of the super-white teeth.
Did I just see a pasty white guy with shaved armpits? Holy shit. I can't watch this stuff.
I think I've pretty much cleared up just how cool I am....
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