Do you have our card?

No. I don't.

I don't have your card. I do not want to be on your company email list so I can get insider information and advance notice for upcoming sales. If, by chance, I finally say yes, be assured it's because I am sick of being asked and it in no way indicates my preference for your store -- it's purely to avoid further pestering and wasted oxygen. In fact, I rather wish that, like many an annoying pop up window, you had a button I could click that says, "Please don't ask me again." I've considered getting a hat embroidered with, "Nope, don't have it; don't want it; don't ask about it." But I sense you would still ask.

And while I do respect the sales associate who entices me not with potential emails to clog up my inbox but with instant savings ("You'll save 15%!!"), consider that even if I was tempted, the line of annoyed customers behind me prevents me from prolonging our little date at the register.

So, please. No more cards to save 5% off of every purchase. I'd rather save 5% of my time in your store but not being bothered about this. Or, instead of asking me this question like a metronome, you could replace the text with, "You look so thin today," or "You are going to adore those shoes," or even, "I like Popsicles and jelly beans."

Jamie's with me on this. Although his version of the rant is crankier. Yes. I swear it. The So Very Nice Boy really does turn into cranky pants at the check out.