What's more important than toilet paper?

by gretchen

I'm standing in line at Wegman's and, for the record, I'm standing in the correct line. I have 16 items and I'm not, please note, NOT sneaking into the 15 items or less line. Sure, I'm behind Hank who has about 67 bags of produce he failed to price in the produce department, forcing the tired cashier to look up every single one. So I've got some time.

During this time I notice the area.....

I have to ask: if the toilet paper doesn't make it into the cart, what does? What's more important than the toilet paper? If you need toilet paper and you are at the store and toilet paper is in your cart, what could possibly make it come out of the cart? What's the logic? I want to believe it's something along the lines of: "Well, the kids must have milk, so we can get the TP later." But it was just one roll. One roll. That's what, 37 cents? I mean, can't the person in line behind this poor person just offer to buy if for them? I would. I definitely would. I want people to have toilet paper to properly clean themselves. I support this. I then begin to wonder if perhaps we, as a nation, need to talk about this quiet issue.

Then I got a hold of myself. I'm pretty sure Americans all support the use of toilet paper.

My conclusion is that the beer made it into the cart and the poor college student decided he would steal TP from one of the bathrooms on campus. Like you've never done it.

A few days ago, I got a survey in the mail. I like surveys. I like checking boxes. It makes me feel as though I have completed something and I'm big on completing tasks. I live for it. This survey was about the products you use in your home. Each product category had several name brands below and you were asked to check off which ones you used or check the "do not use" box.

As I dutifully filled out the survey, I came to the toilet paper section and was reminded that perhaps the need to use toilet paper actually is an American issue for which I should start a society and raise money because, yes, even the toilet paper section had a checkbox for "do not use."

People, if you need money for toilet paper, Americans for Toilet Paper Use will help you out. Right after I form the committee. And I need to do that because nothing, repeat: nothing should be trumping the availability of toilet paper in your home.