Mildred's Response To The Disaster

Dear Crazy Person With the Water Sprayer,

I am a single mother. It's not an easy life. It has been up to me to create a safe haven for my 243 children whom that waste of eyes, Dennis, left me with.

I spent several months constructing that house, ensuring it was protected from the elements, built strongly to keep my babies safe, and near enough to a food supply to keep them healthy.

I have been living here for quite some time.

I have never bothered you.

My children have eaten the bugs that have come to your house because you don't know how to clean.

I have kept disgusting creatures from crawling through the hole in the screen and coming upstairs to eat your face in your sleep. (Didn't know about the hole, did you?)

I thought we were working together, lady.

Imagine, if you will, that after a long day of carnivorous eating you are enjoying a well-deserved nap with your little ones. It's a warm, sunny afternoon, and you are happy in your home. Life is good. You're even wearing that Life is Good shirt to show the world that life is good.

And then, just as you are getting to the very best part of your dream (when you catch that evasive cricket in your web), there's a Tsunami in your living room.

What you thought was an attack upon you, you narcissistic wench, was me being half drowned by your Cobher faucet while you destroyed my home, thus eliminating our ability to trap YOUR UNWANTED BUGS and stay alive. You know, FEMA doesn't help us. Well, FEMA doesn't seem to help you much either, so...

But what REALLY gets me isn't that you decided to tell the world that my near-death experience via drowning was the flailings of a mentally-disturbed human-killer (as if). And then you did the same damn thing to me the next morning! WTF? I can see Tsunami in your living room once, but TWICE? Really? You had to do it again in the morning when I had made just the tiniest progress of rebuilding? You didn't tell Tessa about that, did you? No. Because you knew that was just mean.

Who's the psychopath now, eh?

Who's going to hell for cruel and unusual punishment?

Who's going to have extra bugs in her house?

Who's suddenly very worried about that hole in the screen?


Truly yours,
Mildred the Mother Spider Who Was Not Psychotic Until You Demolished Her Home. Twice.