Banality Defined

A summary of the past month.

"The fact that I just had to purchase a children's small helmet is in no way indicative of the size of my brain."

"I don't understand why you can't just make up an answer like every other man who has no idea what he's talking about. It's an opportunity for you to develop your creative side and for me to hone my bullshit radar. Win Win."

"When the bottle says "One A Day for Men" it definitely does not mean "Two A Day for Women." Trust me.

"I'm not sure that by pulling the measuring tape tighter you are getting an accurate waist measurement."

"We've been on the trail for fewer than two minutes and yet you've already had two technical malfunctions. 1. It's snowing, so a coat seems like a no-brainer and yet, no coat. 2. You live in Rochester; why would you own boots that are not waterproof?"

"Do you think we could eat a slice of the cake and cover the hole with icing and pretend someone else did it? No? But why?"

"I'm really glad we decided to start eating better. Tomorrow. After the cheeseburgers and fries."

"CLOSE THE BROWSER WINDOW BEFORE YOU SEE WHO WON A MEDAL! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? You can't go online during the Olympics." "Not at all?" "Not at all. Sheesh."

"I know the difference between a human fart and a dog fart."

"I'm rooting for that guy." "Why? He's not the American." "Don't care. Dimples."

"You know what's not fair? It's not fair that you take up 62% of the bed and then Leo takes up another 10% and Mookie takes up 4.2% and that leaves me with 7% of the bed." "You are really bad at math." "You're a bed hog." "No, the DOG is a bed hog. And is supposed to sleep in his cage." "Whatever."