Letters to Santa

Dear Santa,
This is Laney. I'm always good. I guard the house from everyone (including the man in brown who is here like every day; when will he learn I'm not going to let him in?). So far, no one has gotten past me and stolen my mom. This makes me very good. As so my pretty face and awesome figure. For Christmas, I would like a door I can open by myself, a permanent space on my parents' bed, and to catch a squirrel. If you could throw in a pool so I can exercise in a non-impact environment, that would be good as well. I'm an old lady, you know. On that note, if you could send a bigger cage for the hyper little dog, we could put the cats in there and the children call all play together while I get some peace and quiet. Please be weary of whatever that Mookie writes; he's trouble and has not done much to deserve presents this year. Definitely needs to cut down on the kitty pot. Just saying.

Dearest Santa,
This is Turtle. I have been a very good girl this year. I have made sure to take care of my long pretty hair, I haven't broken anything, and I never ever wake up my mom in the middle of the night for attention (unlike ALL of my siblings). I had some accidents this year, but that's only because my brother is obnoxious and stalks me. For Christmas, I would like some soft treats, a new bed, and for Laney to stop chasing me. And I really NEED for my stupid brother to have more days spent in Time Out. He's a freakshow and I need some alone-with-my-mom time.
Love, Turtle.

Dear Santa,
Having lost/broken all of my toys, I need some new ones: balls, feathers, mice, the strings on my mom's hoodies, the shoelaces on my dad's shoes, etc. I also need some catnip. And before you comment on how much catnip I had last year, I want to say that I just use it recreationally. My dad says I should ask you for a clue, but I don't know what that means. I need some tools -- little ones designed to help me open the back door and don't require an opposable thumb to work. Oh, and something to keep my feet dry and clean when I'm outside. Also, if you could convince Mom to keep that blasted little dog in his cage at all times, I would appreciate it. He's a menace. And my sister Turtle is a big sissy.
Mookie, AKA Button Face

SANTA!!!
I have been a really good boy this year. I remember to go outside to go to the bathroom almost every day and am very diligent about licking my feet. Furthermore, I keep my mom warm by sleeping on her, with her, near her, etc. Sometimes I go to work and I don't even get paid, so I think I'm entitled to some gifts. Definitely need a pink sweater, some fashionable boots, as many treats as possible, and more blankets.
BTW, the stupid white cat likes to swat at me and stand on me when I'm under the blankets and I do not like that, so make sure you adjust his presents accordingly. I think he deserves coal. OH, and please note that Laney smacks me in the face constantly with her tail. Everyone thinks she so perfect, but she abuses me all the time and I never complain. Just more information for you when determining who should have what.
Actually, can you just send a cage for Mookie and make Laney an "outside only dog? That would be great.
Leo
PS: Can I eat your cookies?