The ears have it

I have ongoing problems with one of my ears; my kitten also faces some minor ear challenges. This is just one of many reasons that we're inseparable. There are Those Nameless Few who believe that Quintasaurus Rex and I have developed a nearly unnatural relationship. But they're just Haters who don't understand the beauty of sleeping in the warm embrace of a beautiful, strong, brave feline ... and they can pretty much bite it.

Me: My ear's acting up again. I think I'll try hydrogen peroxide.
Hubs: (not looking up from his magazine) Mmm.
Me: It might actually work and I lobster-hate that ENT who tells me to Stop Being So Vocal. What does that even mean?
(Pregnant pause during which Hubs realizes it's his turn to speak)
Hubs: Why don't you try Quinty's stuff.
Me: The stuff from THE VET?
Hubs: Mm-hmmm.
Me: Uhhh, let's see, because it's from ... let me think ... A VET.
Hubs: It's for ears.
Me: It's for CAT ears, not PERSON ears.
Hubs: But there's a picture of a horse on the label, too.
Me: It's for CAT ears and HORSE ears, not PERSON ears.
Hubs: It's probably the same.
Me: Yeah, it's probably definitely the same. I think I'll just go squirt GOD KNOWS WHAT that was prescribed to AN ANIMAL into my HEAD. That's what I'm going to GO DO RIGHT NOW.
Hubs: (returning to his magazine) Mm-hmm.
Me: And when you're DEAD and DYING, I'll just have them prescribe HORSE tranquilizers to YOU and we'll see how well that works out. How's that?
Hubs: Mm-hmm.

This morning I scheduled an appointment with Dr. StopBeingSoVocal. And cancelled my husband's subscription to Big Guys Need Big Tools Monthly.