Why Your Brain Has Atrophied.

It's becuase you are too dependant on directions. You need to rise above directions.

Seriously. Stop it. Figure it out on your own.

Directions should be used to get you back on track, as guidelines. We should look upon everything as a chance to use our problem-solving skills. Additionally, we need to develop those critical thinking skills. Do you need to be told the coffee in your coffee cup is hot and will burn if you spill it on your lap? Apparently, you do. But I'm here to help, with a wee list of areas that you can easily change from mind-numbing experiences to opportunities to beef up those brain cells. Break away from the herd. Do it your way. (But do consider wearing a helmet).

Meat Thermometers.
My mother never had one and I'm still alive. My husband used to insist on using one and was a salve to it. The result? Food was never cooked properly because he would not use common sense (i.e., a knife cutting through the middle) to determine if the food was done. I've finally convinced him to throw that stupid thing out.

Cooking Instructions.
Again. GUIDELINES. You know when something is done. And maybe you like your Lean Cuisine frozen in the middle because you don't have more than 2:30 to wait for lunch. And maybe you don't need to stop and stir. Maybe you know exactly how to cook your burrito.

Sizing Charts.
These are liars, anyway, so I don't know why you read them. Pick the size you think will fit and the size above it. Take both into the dressing room (or, if you ordered online, your bedroom) and try them on. Then return the smaller one that should -- according to the chart--,but doesn't, fit. And remember that for next time.

Test Directions.
If you can't figure out how to take a test, you have no idea how to get to my blog, so I can't possibly make any recommendations that will yield fruit. Suffice to say, test directions are totally useless. If you need the directions, you aren't smart enough for the test. Period. END OF STORY.

The Weather Forecast.
Temperature? Rain Expectancy? It's all crap. To figure out what to wear, take the temperature listed on the Web or on TV, add in what it looks like outside your window, think about what is was like yesterday, factor in the month and the shoes you want to wear, and VOILA: Outfit. Has almost nothing to do with anything officially listed. Many a day I've missed out on wearing cute, open-toed shoes because some dufus on TV told me it was going to snow and it did NOT snow.

Shampoo Directions.
Please.

Owner's Manuals.
All you need are the Quick Start Guide (which is a page). Everything else you'll figure out as you go and when you break it, you'll be online searching for an answer anyway. Waste of paper.

IKEA Assembly Instructions.
Read them. Re-read them. Study them. Memorize them. And even then, you'll make a mistake and have to go a few steps and start over. I cannot stress this enough. Assembling anything from IKEA is going to use your brain a-plenty even with the instructions.

The Oven-Is-Up-To-Temperature Light and Cooking Times.
First of all, who has time to wait for that? Turn the oven on, shove in your food, wait until you can smell your food cooking. That's when your food is done. However, this method does not work when you boil eggs and leave the room to write a paper for a few hours. See previous blog for the cautionary tale.