Very Important Information to Have

It's called a Fiber One bar because you should eat only ONE in any 24-hour period.
Eat two and you are courting gas bubbles, cramps, dizziness, bloating, acne, split ends, halitosis, warts, career failure, and stupid offspring.
Eat three and you will be inviting a near-death experience.
No one has ever eaten four...

Dishwashing detergent is not the same as, and cannot replace, laundry detergent.

It is not a good idea to tell someone that your dog, Leo, is cuter than his nephew, Leo. Even if it's true.

Your doctor has no sense of humor because he knows it will get him sued. For example, when he says, "OK. I"m done examining you, you can get dressed and I'll come back.." and you respond, "What are you talking about? I'm going to work in my lovely paper dress." He will not laugh. But it's only because he doesn't want to get sued -- YOU are TOTALLY funny.

If you can see them, they can likely see you. Therefore, if you see a client picking his nose, he can likely see you gawking at him like he's a monkey. Which, while true, will lose you the sale.

If you have a tetanus shot on Monday, you will be able to legitimately whine about the pain until at least Thursday.

While illogical, all doctors have a consistent tendency to call the retired people who have no place to go first while making the professionals who clearly have to get their asses back to the office ASAP wait and stew.

I've almost accepted that a male dog probably doesn't flove pink dog-coats. Almost.

Dry Shampoo, while able to deal with the grease in your hair, does not really fool anyone into thinking you aren't a dirty creature who doesn't wash her hair often enough.

I'm not sure I'm sold on high def TV. Twice on Sunday I saw boogers and/or nose hair on Discovery. Maybe high def is for landscapes only.

The beauty of being local to wherever the holiday is being celebrated is that you can stay blissfully out of the loop, not needing to plan or pack a thing other than what time you can show up for Thanksgiving dinner to avoid doing any prework but still be there when the food is on the table (note: last year we went for a walk while dinner was being prepared. When we got back, they had started 10 minutes earlier without us -- the Kriesen Family waits for no one....)

You do get ironing points just for taking out the ironing board, even if that's as far as that the whole ironing endeavor goes.

It was explained to me that if I eat chocolate and don't work out, that it might affect my weight. I don't know why this wasn't shared with me sooner....

I feel sorry for the middle-aged piano player who just sits around all day waiting for the Glee kids. That's shattered dreams right there. This is not actually an informational statement; just a very important opinion.

I'm not explaining again why a person needs more than one pair of black heels. Or more than ten pairs.

Sometimes I'm not sure what drew Tessa and I into our friendship more: sharing work stresses or a love of over-salting our lunches.

You really do have to scrub your shower; just spraying stuff in there and walking away does, basically, nothing.

That's all I got....