The Hike Part I: The Lists

Most important provisions:
KV: Beef Jerky and socks
Jamie: Cliff Bars and duct tape
Chris: Peanut M&Ms and bandana
Gretchen: Gum and iPod

Most idiotic conversations:
The proper spelling of the word Yay.
A lengthy discussion about poop and pooping.
How the words Smitten, Smite, Smote, and Smoted are or are not related (or even real words)

Most annoying person encountered:
KV: The Professor who wanted everyone to know how smart he was and pontificated all through dinner.
Jamie: The guy who came into the bathroom at 3am when Jamie was sure to have it to himself.
Chris: The Lumberjack who snored too much and too loud.
Gretchen: Whoever ate that last piece of bacon Saturday morning.

Favorite person encountered:
KV: 5-year old girl named Emma
Jamie: Me.
Chris: All of the foreign chicks
Gretchen: The Lumberjack who snored too much and too loud (and I liked him even more when he was in our hut on the second night as well, "coincidentally" in the same bunk room)

Gear malfunction:
KV: None.
Jamie: Camelback leaked the whole time
Chris: Earplugs that were no match for The Lumberjack
Gretchen: Couldn't text

 Most ridiculous statements said/overheard:

• "The difference is between a Wolf and a Wolverine is that they are spelled differently."
• "I brought the Bible. I think you may need it."
• "I blame Jamie; he selected all of my gear so if I have the wrong stuff -- all his fault."
• "I had a goat killed for me on my 21st birthday."
• "Mount Tom is a bad name for a mountain. I think it should be Mount Saint Thomas. Yeah. Go fix it on the map over there."
• "You have an unfair light-pack advantage." "I'm just a smart packer." "You packed your stuff in someone else's pack." "Smart."
• "Here come the Mickey Mouse gloves!"
• "I climbed the whole way up and didn't complain once." "Me neither!" "I'm 5!" "I'm not!"
• "Gretchen, when Jamie says he's sure this is the right path, is he sure?" "Yes." "When you say you're sure that Jamie's sure, are you sure?" "Absolutely not."
• "Stand over here, I don't want THOSE people in the picture." (Meaning us.)
• "Are you trudging back there? Because there will be no trudging on this hike."
• "Why is God always messing with us?" "Because he can."
• "I am sharing a room with four boys. Uck." "You have a negative attitude." "Yay! I'm sharing a hotel room with four boys! Yay! I love boys! Woopie!" "Much better."
• "We do have to cross a river, but I don't think it will be high." "But is's a river." "Small one." "Small RIVER." "Small river."
• "Hater."
• That downed tree is a sign of The White Man telling us to go no further. As is the yellow marker on the tree...
• "Do not doubt Alex, reader of the weather report."
• "He's in the zone. He's a loner zoner." "He's a DITCHER. And that's how people die and then the companions get blamed for letting him take off alone. I'm not being blamed for his loner zoner death. I'm not going to end up in a book about people dying in The White Mountains because you started out this morning while he was still in the hut because you couldn't wait." "Why is this  my fault?" "Because it's already 9am and I haven't blamed you for anything else yet."
• "All those who enter the bathroom in this hotel room will light a match before leaving out of consideration for their fellow hotel-room inhabitants who do not need to die from methane fumes." "Is she serious?" "Here's your box of matches."
• "I'm calling it the "Snoring Symphony." It's gonna be bigger than Billy Jean."
• "This was the worst day of my entire life." (By the look of him, I believed it.)
• "That is a four-hour hike if you are an 18-year-old guy on performance enhancers. For the rest of us, it's a 10-hour hike." (Note: for the rest of us meant the out-of-shape middle-aged dude and his equally unprepared wife; the other group did it in five ours. However, one member of that group was the "worst day of my life" guy...)
• "I don't like that guy, so I smote him in the bathroom."
• "YOU are an anarchist."
• "Please do not feed the spider."

Winner of the most mountain etiquette violations
The 40-something group of Bostonians en route to Zealand hut. Among the offenses:

1. Destroying our solitude and silence.
2. Announcing that THIS is why we climb mountains (meaning the view. True climbers do not climb for the view; they climb to be in nature, to be with their companions, to escape civilization, to embrace the silence, and, when you can, to see some great views.)
3. Whining about being afraid and then posing when a camera appeared.
4. Yelling to each other to do certain yoga poses for the camera.
5. Yelling.
6. Calling us "those people"
7. Generally ugly clothing.
8. A massive lack of politeness.
9. The presence of hair spray and, I suspect, the early morning use of a curling iron.
10. Annoying accents.

Prose to come...