The Boy is gone for the day and I'm sick, so I've had entirely too many hours spent watching Lifetime. Lifetime Movie Network is really just a string of long Public Service Announcements for women. For example, today I have learned that:
You should not marry a man you have known for three days because he really just wants you to bear him a son so he can inherit millions of dollars (and then kill you).
You should not believe your husband when he tells you his best friend has been stalking you and that he truly loves you because really he's having a mad affair and he's after your money (so he's going to kill you).
If your husband tells you he has left you and has gone off to commit suicide (therefore killing himself instead of you), you should make sure to see a body. Because it's highly, highly likely that he's freaked out and faked his death so he can start a new life (without you) (but at least he didn't kill you, so...)
If your husband really wanted a boy and you have a girl.... well. I'm sure you can follow the pattern. The lesson is clear: all men are trying to kill you.
But that's not what I found so stupid today. What made me fall off of my chair laughing was the new Taco Bell ad in which a woman says she needs to be realistic about her weight-loss program and therefore, her "diet" will have to involve fast food, but she's going to eat at Taco Bell because they have a new lower-fat menu. Notice that it's lower fat. Not low fat. Humongous difference.
But the best part of the day was when I saw Sully pitching a Sham-Wow-type mop. He drops an entire can of soda on the floor and then, to demonstrate how wonderful his mop is, he swiftly absorbs everything with a few quick swipes. But that's not the part. THE BEST PART is when he talks about the tough economic times and the importance of being thrifty and not wasteful. Which is fine. Or would be, were he not saying this while squeezing the entire can of soda he just mopped up into a glass.
That's when I had to change the channel. Just a little too much to accept.
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